Its been 5 months since I've written here..
Now its time to do some reflection of the stuffs that had happened to me the past few months.

Now I'm still studying in SP..
The final semester.. howdy.. i nvr expect that time could fly just so fast..

I can still remember so vividly that my classmates used to play CS together, skips lectures, tutorials or lab together just to hang out at pool activity.

CS was quite popular for us back then till some of us decides to study hard for the upcomming semesters..
I guess that's where we had drifted apart.

Sad thing it was.. Those guys were really nice frens.
At least the best I've ever met in my academic years..

So right now..sometimes I jus would happen to know their rough updates..
Some got into NS..
Some found jobs..

I guess it's just me left alone huh..
I've made good frens here again too since I started retaining for 1 semester.

Managed to find motivation to study well..learning to be humble abit..thinking positively..
They didn't do much to help me.
Just the presence of being with them makes me feel kinda 'blend in'

I think I can do well this last semester.

So the past 5 months of course I've encountered lots of unhappiness..despair..issues..

Relationship.. school.. human relations..
I think I've learnt something as I encounter issues from these categories..

I feel that being happy is a main thing to be alive.
I just try to keep myself happy all the time..Even when there is a huge burden on my back, forcing myself to smile works sometimes.

What matters is I do not think of the negative way..
Try to live a little..

Just like now..
I've encounter some minor/major issue..

I've got a letter from mindef to call upon me for a vocational assesement at hendon camp this comming 28th.

From what I know, it's a camp of the red berets.
Well, when I first saw the letter.
Surprised of course..A little scared too.

I dun feel scared easily but its too sudden for me when something like this just pop out of nowhere..

Just like the same feeling when I first heard of my friend who died last month..
(r.i.p)

At first I thought it was some sort of enlistment notice.
Well it can't be 'cause I'm still pursuing studies.
I've manage to find information from people and the Internet..

They tally to what's believe to be an interview session..Which would probably determine my possible selection as a Commando during my NS service of 2 years.

I've always heard from the boys I knew that commando trainning is a extremely tough phase.
People always get injured there..The training was many times as tough as a normal bmt in tekong..

I would travel to many jungles with names that doesn't even sounded like any earthly namings. I would definetly get to jump off a high speed jet plane at 15000 feet for a parachute landing..I will also get to learn that pain is in the mind not physically..

However..What really bothers me much is that I'm actually a little interested in this crazed proposal. Means i kinda feel wanted to be selected after the interview.
Again. I was surprised by this.. Considering the fact that I could be a very timid person. An introvert.

However, there are many things.. many many.. that pulls me back from the thought..
First thing is I dun wan my girl and family to worry about me for the entire 2 years.
Second thing is I'm afraid that I won't be able to endure as much as I think I could..

Third is..I worries that if by refusing this opportunity by answering ''no thanks. i dun wanna join the red beret elite team" during the interview session I would regret.

On the other hand. I might also regret too if I accept the invitation.
I'm really in dilemma this time..
Kinda getting obsessed with this problem..

I also worried that in a place like hendon camp.. Where handphones seems to be disallowed, I won't be able to get in touch with my love ones.. my dear.. my family..

I've been trying to take my mind off this by constantly thinking about the pros.. I do not know what to do right now..

So far I've receive opinions from mum and dad..
That doesn't help much too as they too were in dilemma.

I wondered how the boys that were in the same situation as me settled this..
It's like a path with 2 different routes ahead.
Both of them has a very long journey.. thus I do not know the outcome well. I can't see the destination.

I know that this is a problem where no one could help.
I dunno what's wrong with me..I just feel scared.

It seems freedom time is so short now..
I know that I will be called in very quickly as soon as I finished my last paper in september..

Am I prepared?
Nope..Not at all.

I just wanna cherish the time I had while I could still move around as much as I want24/7 with the people I love.. With my dear..





Its been a while..=)

I guess overall I'm doing fine lately..

No job, no work, no school, no Internet, maybe a little stress here and then considering how irony that sounds, where by my holiday had started and no exams for me. :/

I wanna find a job.
I hope any one out there could recommend a few for me?
Prefarbly stuffs related to IT.

'Cause seriously I'm in financial breakdown now.

I could imagine the 2009 crisis that struck many who became unemployed the next day.

I could roughly sense their fear, considering that the only bread winners in the family, my mum and dad, were both in dilemma of earning money.

They too have encounted problems, no capital to earn stuffs. Things became no value, how the CNY affected us as most people had already threw away what we used to earn during their little house cleaning.

I can't stand another sight of my mum tearing again.
It's hard for me to accept some elderly that cries in front of you.

It jus makes me felt so hopeless..

All I could do now for them?
Well, besides some late night show I've specially prepared for them..Nothing I could do much for them anymore..

'Cause I know they enjoy watching gore and horror movies.
I don't mind spending abit, just to keep them entertained for a while.

Might wake up late the next morning, but what to do..That's the most I could do for them folks for now...

I've got no money to lend them anymore..
Things just seem to unable to get better.

I wonder where's our glimmer of hope shining.

Where it used to be.

My collection of Lamborghinis..I guess it's time to stop for a minute..

Those models are too far-fetched to be completed in a set for me I guess.

Maybe some other time now..
It's all about money.

I mean, no money no talk yeahs.
can't really buy anything ..

Not to mention that very soon it's going to be porridge and plain vege for breakfast, lunch and dinner again.

uh-huh..
*Back to square one*

That's what happened to us some years ago.

I've lived in a house totally no water, no electricity and no money. For 7 months.

That was like in 2001?
where there was a huge recession again in the economy.

Anyway, overall I'm still hanging on..
Trying to save money more often.

It's not easy to save money..Considering that you used to spend like nobody's business and now you've gotta restrict yourself..

Felt bad for my girlfriend too..
Sorry dar, I can't take u to nice places much..

But I'm glad we had been to much place where you wanna be =)

Sorry if I can't give u much surprises anymore..
You know I don't mean it.

I can't think properly nowadays..
It seems that I'm having some mind block illness.

I forget things just so easily.
I just don't know why..

I've changed a new tagboard on the left.
Leave me a message if you want.

However, if you're here to quarrel. Please leave thank you.

I don't expect people to care for me. (Please don't bullshit)

I only got 1 rule.
Treat people like how they treated me.

You give me shit, I give you hell.

You give me candy, I lay my life down for you.



Current Music Playing: No Music playing





Hey blog..
I've just had the biggest fight with the one I've always most cherished in my life..

I'm sorry dear.
You can say that I'm quite hard to be understood too.
You liked to talk on the phone i know.

I've always called you daily, 'cause I know you will be happy to hear from me before you sleep.

Despite from fact that I really dislike conversation on the phone, I've try to get pass this obstacle for you.

'Cause that's the power of love.
I would do anything for you.

However, I just dislike the feeling of you being too quiet sometimes on the phone, when nobody's talking, and we're still talking for the sake of being on the phone. I felt really uneasy.

I don't really like that kind of environment.
Especially after fights, you always kept your silence.

I've always wanna clear the silence in the phone.
Tried.

That's why whenever I've finished saying, hoping you could speak up a few good words to end all that argument ('Cause I would stop being angry when I feel better).

'Cause basically I'm human too. I need some things to relieve my heart. Or else there's always this unsatisfied feeling inside me.

I just wish I could gain some care...
Not that kind of care when I receive gifts, being missed.

It's like some sorta felt appreciated, recognized kind of care.
I'm hurt too whenever that's an argument.
No matter who's fault was it, I've never failed to overlook your feelings..

I know you'll be hurt. That's why I'll say things to assure you in the end..
But I don't get the same..I would just let it be in my heart end of the day..

If wanna say who hates quarreling more.
I dare say i hate it more than u do..

Mixed feelings now..
I might get a little emotional here..

Recent piles of project works had drained me totally..
With exams nearing, this adds on to the worse.

So much unfortunate events had happened to me.
So much..I can't even recall anything good that happened to me nowadays..

Basically I just managed to crawl out of hell with what's left on me this 2 weeks..
So much events..

Bad events.
Don't even know where to start from..

So FYP had finally come to an end..
It wasn't easy..But it did ended miraclly..

Valerie and I had to work so hard just to get things done..
And as for you ah lam.
I really dunno how to say you liaos.

You gotta admit the whole FYP thingy u were too slack already.
Even at the critical moment..
You claimed to do this and that, it was until the last minute of the last. You finally showed us your work..

Obvious all that you did were done only recently.
I can't understand why you wanna keep lie and say you did this you did that, in the end, at the presentation day. Francis knew too.

We can't do much editing too or to improve the report anymore.
Just basically dump all our shit into the report and that's it.

80 pages for Francis to headache with..
Hope he's good with puzzle..'cause he got lots of jigsaw to piece in that report.

I'll just let bygones be bygones..
Anyway, from this project thingy-a-thing.

I gotta confess, this whole teamwork thing or partnership
Well.



It's bullshit.

Basically I would feel that I could produce the same quality of work or even better for I am alone doing all that stuffs.

As for the entry during Chinese new year..
The one that had the poem in it.

Never ever did I even expect,
that my best buddy of 3 years.

Without hearing me out..Just walked out like that.

I'm really disappointed.
Such a pity..

Just 1 stupid poem.

3 years.



GONE JUST LIKE THAT.




I've tried explaining story behind that poem and stuffs, tried to get some attention.
You didn't wanna hear me out.
I dunno what the fuck is wrong with you.

I guess the previous incident with pooh had made you lose heart of friendship.

*sighz*

I didn't even blame you for walking out on your friends and even me that time. Ignoring us and such. We didn't do anything wrong.

You just walked out of us like that. Hurting many in the process.

Hope you do some reflection on your own pal.
If you can't figure it out,
Forget it..

'Cause to you, friendship is like pebbles in the river bank.
You like to do whatever you want with it.
Even they are innocent, you throws them into the river whenever you like.

I'm not afraid of saying this because it's the truth.
And as your friend, I also need to let you be aware of this in case you didn't know about yourself. You can be pissed with me, I say it for your own good.

So FYP's down, IP telephony's down, embedded lab test preparation's done.
Left with exams.
First paper.
This coming Thursday..

Come on..
I wish I could have a change in this lifestyle..

Can't take it much more.

Current Music Playing: No Music





Hi blog, it's good to write in here every now and then.
Well, basically I'm really damn busy nowadays. Finally found the time and mood to write an entry.

Recent update about me?
well, Projects, exams, Lab test, Reports and PBILs.
They could never escape.

I guess that's what the others are stressing about too..
(Year 3 果然不好玩)

Haven't even found time to study for the exams, let alone playing CABAL.

Yeah, I started playing that again, what delights me is that they finally remove the freaking punching-For-SP thingy. Restrictions, Restrictions~ Hooorayyyyy.

-Moving on-


Recently we finally meet up for some decent FYP project discussion. I felt really better, 'cause I've finally pick up some 'courage' to do this tedious stuff.

Sometimes hearing about how busy the others are kinda makes me uneasy. It's like I'm useless.
Well, never am I gonna let that feeling take over me again.

From now on, no more last minute works. I've had enough.
(God of Blog, I hereby promise u here =/)

So, I've finished my presentation slides, well, all that's left was the preparing the speech which I've written halfway at dear's school library today while waiting for her :)

(Presentation's on Friday. omg omg, Nervous! Nervous!)

Can't even remember what was the last time I did this =/

Gonna find some time to practice the lab test this week, which is on next wednesday and finish the report for IP telephony which is due next monday.
(I'm writing these down to keep my memory refresh not to bore you, Readers :P )

So..all these shit would be over in a few weeks time, maybe 3 . (Hopefully)

After that would be 2 months holiday (So I've heard, exact duration unknown =/)

Probably would find a job.
(Allah, most likely will la)

I jus wanna gain some experience in my field of study (hopefully)

Anybody got job related to IT stuffs, call me along yea??
Deeply appreciated~


Current Music Playing: Cranberries- Linger





So, it's chinese new year..
2 days already.

I haven't seen her. =)
I'm still waiting..

People are busy preparing and spending this festival happily..
I guess I'm the outcast here..

Can't wait this to be over..
Can't take it anymore..

Anyway, but still.
I would like to wish everyone a happy new year.
may your life be 一帆风顺 from now on.

Have a prosper year and may all your wishes comes true =)



A poem I made out of boredom..lols..

牛年来， 日难过。
好思念， 要坚强。
很难过， 要习惯。

想太多， 也没用。
到头来, 自寂寞，

好友无， 亲戚无。
家人六， 知心无。
爱人一， 烦恼多。

真希望， 年快过。
好让我， 快看她。


Current Music Playing: No music Playing.





I talk to you but it's not the same as touchin' you
And every time you whisper my name ,I wanna run to you..

We'll be together, it won't be long, it won't be long
But it feels like forever, and it's hard to be strong..


Baby, 'cause I'm missing you now..
And it's drivin' me crazy
How I'm needin' you, baby

I'm missing you now..
Can't wait till I'm alone with you
To show you how I'm missing you now

Wishin' you were here by my side is all that I can do
Got my arms around my pillow at night,
They should be holdin' you..

Thought I was stronger, how could I know, how could I know ?
I can't take this much longer, it's so hard on my soul....


Baby, 'cause I'm missing you now..
And it's drivin' me crazy
I've gotta be with you, baby

I'm missing you now..
Don't know what I'm gonna do
To show the way I'm missing you now

Baby, I just can't wait, till I see your face
Chase away this loneliness inside
When you're close to my heart, right here in my arms,

Then and only then will I be satisfied
Missing you now....

I know, we'll be together,
it won't be long, it won't be long
But it feels like forever and it's hard to be strong


Baby, 'cause I'm missing you now..
And it's drivin' me crazy
How I'm needin' you, baby

Can't wait till I'm alone with
To show you how I'm missing you

Missing you ,missing you
Baby, I should be holdin' you, kissin' you

I'm missing you now..
Don't know what I'm gonna do,
To show the way I'm missing you now

Missing you, missing you now
And it's drivin' me crazy
How I'm needin' you, baby

I'm missing you now...





The unexpected is always so surprising..
Just like my days..

All of sudden I'm all so pinned with work and more work.
Exams round the corner, Chinese New Year comming, Medical check up comming..Project deadlines..

And I didn't know missing someone could be fatal..
Many times I've controlled myself, I guess that's why love is so unresistible.
I can't rid it off my mind..

Just when did all these started?
I had no idea..

All I know is that it's a hell week for me.
Be it a holiday anot, I guess this CNY is like "no other"

I dun understand why, I've always got bad luck in such occasions, christmas, chinese new year..Every year before the start of the celebration I already knew something bad would happen.

It's hard to set my bearings right for now..
Too much courses to set..
And even if I choose a course, there probably would have foreseen icebergs lying around.

Life's challenging.
I knew that..

I know that I won't be able to perform well in society if I couldn't surpass these "small case"

Anyway, I've got plans of course.
Project's are down with presentation slides, and perhaps some rehersal.
Valerie and me met Francis Teo today.

Well, felt good to met him.
We got our server and this project would be over in just 3 weeks time.
*Hoooray*

Exams.
1 embedded Paper, 1 lab test, 1 IP Tele PBIL, 1 Tele Quiz, 1 Tele Class Test.

Good thing that I've got only 1 FST paper.
Which is embedded paper.

What's bad about it is the my level of understanding bahs.
Sometimes, dunno wth is the lecture talking about.

I need to read up.
Really =/

Anyway..
I dunno what's up with me lately..
So hope y'all pardon me if I'm offending in some way.


Current Music Playing: OneRepublic- Say All I Need