Its been 5 months since I've written here..
Now its time to do some reflection of the stuffs that had happened to me the past few months.

Now I'm still studying in SP..
The final semester.. howdy.. i nvr expect that time could fly just so fast..

I can still remember so vividly that my classmates used to play CS together, skips lectures, tutorials or lab together just to hang out at pool activity.

CS was quite popular for us back then till some of us decides to study hard for the upcomming semesters..
I guess that's where we had drifted apart.

Sad thing it was.. Those guys were really nice frens.
At least the best I've ever met in my academic years..

So right now..sometimes I jus would happen to know their rough updates..
Some got into NS..
Some found jobs..

I guess it's just me left alone huh..
I've made good frens here again too since I started retaining for 1 semester.

Managed to find motivation to study well..learning to be humble abit..thinking positively..
They didn't do much to help me.
Just the presence of being with them makes me feel kinda 'blend in'

I think I can do well this last semester.

So the past 5 months of course I've encountered lots of unhappiness..despair..issues..

Relationship.. school.. human relations..
I think I've learnt something as I encounter issues from these categories..

I feel that being happy is a main thing to be alive.
I just try to keep myself happy all the time..Even when there is a huge burden on my back, forcing myself to smile works sometimes.

What matters is I do not think of the negative way..
Try to live a little..

Just like now..
I've encounter some minor/major issue..

I've got a letter from mindef to call upon me for a vocational assesement at hendon camp this comming 28th.

From what I know, it's a camp of the red berets.
Well, when I first saw the letter.
Surprised of course..A little scared too.

I dun feel scared easily but its too sudden for me when something like this just pop out of nowhere..

Just like the same feeling when I first heard of my friend who died last month..
(r.i.p)

At first I thought it was some sort of enlistment notice.
Well it can't be 'cause I'm still pursuing studies.
I've manage to find information from people and the Internet..

They tally to what's believe to be an interview session..Which would probably determine my possible selection as a Commando during my NS service of 2 years.

I've always heard from the boys I knew that commando trainning is a extremely tough phase.
People always get injured there..The training was many times as tough as a normal bmt in tekong..

I would travel to many jungles with names that doesn't even sounded like any earthly namings. I would definetly get to jump off a high speed jet plane at 15000 feet for a parachute landing..I will also get to learn that pain is in the mind not physically..

However..What really bothers me much is that I'm actually a little interested in this crazed proposal. Means i kinda feel wanted to be selected after the interview.
Again. I was surprised by this.. Considering the fact that I could be a very timid person. An introvert.

However, there are many things.. many many.. that pulls me back from the thought..
First thing is I dun wan my girl and family to worry about me for the entire 2 years.
Second thing is I'm afraid that I won't be able to endure as much as I think I could..

Third is..I worries that if by refusing this opportunity by answering ''no thanks. i dun wanna join the red beret elite team" during the interview session I would regret.

On the other hand. I might also regret too if I accept the invitation.
I'm really in dilemma this time..
Kinda getting obsessed with this problem..

I also worried that in a place like hendon camp.. Where handphones seems to be disallowed, I won't be able to get in touch with my love ones.. my dear.. my family..

I've been trying to take my mind off this by constantly thinking about the pros.. I do not know what to do right now..

So far I've receive opinions from mum and dad..
That doesn't help much too as they too were in dilemma.

I wondered how the boys that were in the same situation as me settled this..
It's like a path with 2 different routes ahead.
Both of them has a very long journey.. thus I do not know the outcome well. I can't see the destination.

I know that this is a problem where no one could help.
I dunno what's wrong with me..I just feel scared.

It seems freedom time is so short now..
I know that I will be called in very quickly as soon as I finished my last paper in september..

Am I prepared?
Nope..Not at all.

I just wanna cherish the time I had while I could still move around as much as I want24/7 with the people I love.. With my dear..